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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jason's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, January 19th, 2006
5:07 pm
Back after an extended hiatus
Well, I just wanted to update this so you all know i'm still alive. This year has been good so far. My emotions are stabilizing. I got a new job, full-time, totally stable. I am now the webmaster of http://www.diskfaktory.com Which has been very good to me so far. I'm in the middle of re-designing the site, it looks like crap right now. I've been learning search engine optimization, which is a huge pain in the ass. But I know i'll be better off after I learn it. I'm getting sent to a 2 day conference at the end of next month, and it's fully focused on search engine stuff. Should be pretty boring, but i'll learn alot. Plus it's in San Diego. So I think i might take a little day trip to TJ. Ha ha. Other than that, nothing new's going on. Well, actually, I got a car for Christmas, so that's cool. Haven't been able to drive it yet, but i'm going to get all the DMV/Insurance stuff taken care of this weekend. So I should be driving next week. Stoked. And oh yeah, I quit drinking. It's been almost 3 weeks. I feel great. In lieu of any other details, here's the lyrics to a couple Jawbreaker songs i've been feeling lately. Check them out..

West Bay Invitational
24 Hour Revenge Therapy LP/CD

All of the neighbors decided; It's time
to have all our strangers over and make friends.
Chris got a pony keg of loose charm.
I had an accident. I hurt my arm.

People from bands and labels. The good ones.
Plenty of stunning children. East Bay.
You were from Oakland by way of the Midwest.
I bought a rose and a suit with the pants pegged.

You said, "I smelled you twice today."
Someone was passing out somewhere.
We kissed a shot of Kentucky straight.
I swore this life is worth the wait.

Hayes broke the scissors, apologized.
Our kitchen was crowded and steamy. Isn't it always?

I just looked deeper into you.
You bit my neck blue.
We hung our clothes up on the floor
And put our faith in a closed door.

We're having this party.
Please come.
It won't be the same without you.
Please come.

We're having this party.
Please come.
It won't be the same without you.
Please come.



Condition Oakland
24 Hour Revenge Therapy LP/CD

I rode down to the tracks.
Thinking that they might sing to me.
But they just stared back.
Broken, trainless and black as night.
Climbed out onto my roof.
So I'd be a poet in the night.
Beat the walls off my room.
I saw the big room that is this life.

This is my condition:
naked and hysterical,
reaching to grab a hand
that I just slapped back at.
This is my condition:
Desperate, alone, without an excuse.
I try to explain.
Christ, what's the use?

Read and I felt so small.
Some words keep speaking when you close the book.
Drank and just about smiled.
Then I remembered us in that bed.
Put my ear to the door.
I just heard hot rods and gunshots and sirens.
People kill me these days.
There's keys in their eyes but they lock from the inside.

This is my condition:
naked and hysterical,
reaching to grab a hand
that I just slapped back at.
This is my condition:
desperate, alone, without an excuse.
I try to explain.
Christ, what's the use?




Accident Prone
Dear You LP/CD, Live 4/30/96 LP/CD, Accident Prone CD

What's the furthest place from here?
It hasn't been my day for a couple years.
What's a couple more?

And if I go, don't forget
the one good thing I almost did.
I learned your name without words.
I used my eyes, not my hands.

What's the closest you can come
to an almost total wreck and still walk away,
all limbs intact?

And when I go, you'll be there
crying out, begging me.
I won't hear. I'll just go fast
into this night on broken legs.

A near miss or a close call?
I keep a room at the hospital.
I scratch my accidents into the wall.
I couldn't wait to breathe your breath.
I cut in line, I bled to death.
I got to you, there was nothing left.

What's the meanest you can be
to the one you claim to love and still smile to your
your new found friends?

In the same confusing breath,
you pull away and draw me in.
I wanted you. You wanted more.
I built this life and now it's mine.

A near miss or a close call?
I keep a room at the hospital.
I scratch my accidents into the wall.
I couldn't wait to breathe your breath.
I cut in line, I bled to death.
I got to you, there was nothing left.

A near miss or a close call?
I keep a room at the hospital.
I scratch my accidents into the wall.
I couldn't wait to breathe your breath.
I cut in line, I bled to death.
I got to you, there was nothing left.

Jason

Current Mood: happy
Thursday, September 8th, 2005
12:47 pm
best site ever
http://www.stuffonmycat.com

yeeeah!

Current Mood: vitamins
Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
9:02 am
this stuff
Look at your LJ interests list. If you have fewer than 50 interests, pick every fifth one. If you have between fifty and seventy-five interests, pick every seventh one. If you have over seventy-five interests, pick every tenth one. If you have fewer than ten, pick all of 'em. List them on your LJ, and tell everyone exactly what it is about these things that interests you so much.


aphex twin - his music is awesome. he kind of pioneered the drill n bass genre, and i dig that shit. dense music is la bomba.

cartoon network - adult swim: aqua teen hunger force, sealab 2021, home movies, futurama, harvey birdman. the freshest cartoom comedy out there these days.

del the funky homosapien - he's the best rapper out there these days. followed closely by the rest of the hiero crew, and busdriver.

Velcome all vulnerable vocalists
Visualize vivid verb play in my vortex
Virtually, no verse'll be vinnin ova me...they vapor
My verbal voltage vanquishes
Parental advisory
Vamoose...I'll vick your vitality
Vindictive with voodoo
Valiantly save the virgin from the viper
Vanglorious vide vorld of volcanic violence
Your vessel gets violated over the velm
Veracious, vivacious
Veto your village voice
Void your vibration
Vultures got me vergin' on vomitin' they vishfullness
Get's met with visciousness
Every verb's visceral
This is no kiss under the mistletoe
A clip will cripple foes
Crucifix for (mental?) cliques
Triple 6...flipped...now it's 9
Now it's time for vertigo
Reverberate for your convertible

dystopia - only the best powerviolence band in the world. super negative, with some of the best songwriters in the genre. the drummer sings and plays the drums like a motherfucker. badass!

h.r. giger - i like what this guy can do with an airbrush. he's got a wicked nutty imagination to boot.

may brasse - she's cool as ice.

painting - it's fun and satisfying. i like how i can zone out doing it, and hours just fly by..

squarepusher - same reason i like aphex twin, except squarepusher is more jazz based. after i saw a buddy rich live video, i totaly got the whole jazz thing.

the misfits - awesome horror punk band. i got the crimson ghost tattooed on my shoulder.

x - every time i listen to anything by this band, it reminds me of venice beach. venice beach is awesome, so is x. their vocal harmonies are the shit.

Current Mood: hopeful
Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
11:28 pm
i know this girl
and she's so fucken cool
and she's so fucken far
and she's so fucken nice
and she's prolly got lice

and i heard that she's lonely
and i heard about her kitty
and she don't eat bologna
i think she's hella pretty

i know this girl
her head's like a pearl
and she's got her own world
i know this girl

Current Mood: lonely
Monday, September 5th, 2005
11:33 pm
long time, nothing to say
okay, where to start. haven't update my livejournal in forever. lots of shit has gone on, i moved to lake forest from laguna beach. had to start renting a room instead of an apartment. 1260 a month wasn't working with my current job. and it just keeps getting worse. i make a decent amount on money, but the boss has been running out of hours to give me. i have been working for this guy in tustin, out of his house. lately i've been doing a little design work, but more updating sites and editing video. it's ok, i guess. all the resumes i've been sending out have been unanswered, for the most part. i had one job interview, and they didn't seem too impressed. hopefully i'll hear something back soon. i've been thinking about getting a night job, at Border's. it would be nice to have an extra couple of hundred dollars every month. oh yeah.

i've had some new/old vices come back around in the past few months. did some drugs the past few weekends, stayed awake way too much. i didn't do it this weekend though, and am feeling really over it all. i used to like doing that shit when i was younger, hallucinating from sleep deprivation was something that put these awesome pictures in my head and gave me this weird sideways look at reality. but now i just get paranoid, and the hallucinations are kind of scary and too real. i think i'm at that point where i can't do any more of that sort of shit, or i die or go crazy. i've been broke for the past week or so, haven't been drinking too much. since that's been my major habit that i've been trying to stay away from, with no good result, it's been sort of nice. i hate worrying about money, but having a clearer head is tits.

moving has been sort of a sad affair for me. i wasn't doing too well before the move, making it that much more difficult for me to maintain. i don't know anybody where i live now, which sucks too. i may just be dwelling on the fact that my "new" car broke down yet again. 3rd time in less than 2 months. that's another story. well, regardlessly, i don't know where i'm going in life and i don't know if i'm doing any better since carrie and i broke up. in her opinion, i'm guessing i'm not doing any better. and in my opinion, i probably am doing worse. i guess i can say that i'm learning things i didn't know before, i just wish i was doing more of the things i should be taking care of.

well, i just got sort of distracted, so i'm gonna wrap this up. think i'll be updating this more, soon.

Current Mood: confused
Friday, April 1st, 2005
11:33 pm
i am so rocking. ego be damned!

Current Mood: crazy
Thursday, March 31st, 2005
7:49 pm
ha, i totally retract my entry from yesterday. don't be mad may. :) things have been going pretty good, so i'm not really the melancholy bastard i made myself out to be. i think i just get like that after i drink alot, and then come home and listen to slowdive. heh. today was good. got a shitloaf of work done on the el encanto site. i went to school after that, and my class was cancelled. wooo! we watched roger and me yesterday in my social problems class. i haven't listened to the beach boys forever. this one guy's talking about how he flipped out at work, and was driving home listening to "wouldn't it be nice" and how crappy he felt. good stuff. anyways, off i go to drink vodka and flat cactus cooler.

Current Mood: sleepy
Saturday, March 5th, 2005
1:41 am
yipes
that phone call was good. i think i might be the worst boy ever though. never prepared to take care of a girl like i should be. why is that so important to me?

j

Current Mood: crying, emo-style
1:28 am
new years
hey hey. i haven't written in this thing forever. i was considering closing my account out. no thanks.

life has been dour, again. just been working and trying to stay unlonley. my neighbor matt, and my ex-neigbor todd have been around though. so it's been cool. haven't had any boy friends for a few years. we sit around and talk about how girls are evil, and how we love them at the same time. hahahaha. i've been trying to motivate myself lately. but i've been so depressed, it's been hard. i love art, but i think my job stresses me out too much to make anything decent. ask may after i send out my first drawing. :)

gotta go to work tomorrow. i took two days off, cos me and my neighbor were doing all sorts of e. i stayed up for a one day, heard voices, had the raddest phone call with a girl. i'll be strapped for cash for the next few weeks, but tell me something new. i need an apartment that costs less that 1000 dollars a month. yipes. gonna go to school this summer, hopefully.

but yeah, i have more to come on last year's activities. too sleepy now to relay them all. i'll write more later.

peace.

j
Thursday, November 4th, 2004
9:00 pm
i just got my entry eaten. stupid backdating. i was bummed out, to catch you up.

well, in a nutshell, life has been dour for me lately. i don't have much to complain about, looking at the big picture. i just can't handle the little things that, that to me, should be so important. i love so much, it seems like i have too much inside me sometimes. i saw my best friend from high school the other day. he's fat and sober. i was convinced i'd be speaking at his funeral, not 6 months ago. i saw his ex g/f, who was a really good friend of mine in high school/right after high school. i tried to drive up to canada one time. i only had enough money to make it to Aloha, Oregon. she was living there at the time, so i stayed over. we hadn't seen eachother for at least 3 years. she inherited 250,000 dollars before she took off for Oregon. when i saw her, she had been doing methamphetamines very regularly since she left. i stayed at her place for 5 days. for 3 of those days, she didn't even know who i was. i did speed with her, and wrote the most dense poem i've ever been able to pull out of me. it was surreal, and i felt very disillusioned when i left. she didn't even say goodbye. we were so close before. i ended up having to pawn my lip rings to a christian i met at 7-11, about 20 miles out of Portland. i made it home and felt so sure of myself. if i could make it 1200 miles home on my wits and charm alone. i could do anything. well, that's not the only thing that made me think that way. i am such a good person, and so smart. i amaze myself almost every day. wow.

i just talked myself out of that one, huh?

thanks thanks thanks guys, i don't write in this journal to hear my own thoughts.

<3
jason

Current Mood: lightheaded
Friday, October 29th, 2004
7:40 pm
friday
not much going on in my life. just been working and trying to keep my mind off of the things that depress me. i'm doing a so-so job. the past few days i haven't been too bummed out feeling. but when i read certain things, or hear really sweet songs, i gotta consciously keep myself from crying. i'm such a little baby. :P my computer is broken, no audio or anything like that. so maybe i'm just getting pent up, with no emotional release. i gotta get kevin over to fix my comp. yeah. i'm going to some big rave type dealie tomorrow night, monster massive. it's up in LA, and i've never been to a rave before. i was just gonna mope around my apartment in my robe this weekend, but i was thinking that it would probably be better to get out and experience something new. i am so boring most of the time, even when i try to think of stuff to do on the weekends and with people. i draw a totaly blank. man, my past couple of entries have been so emo-core. oh well, it's how i feel.

Current Mood: exhausted
Friday, October 22nd, 2004
7:14 pm
i might as well just pack it up and go
i wish i was invisible or never conceived. well, maybe those are both a little drastic. i just have trouble fully understanding anyone, and i always screw up relationships with people because of that. relationships in all senses. i feel like it's time for me to start over somewhere else like every day. somewhere where noone knows me or has any preconceived ideas of me. yeah, that's it.

i'm going home soon. todd needs to use my computer, so we're gonna chill for a bit. finished up my two paintings the other day, and gave them away. i felt that was the best thing to do. i gotta start some new ones. i have this one drum n bass/electro track i've been working on, and i can't seem to get anywhere with it. every time i add more tracks and more layers, it seems like it needs more and more. i figure it'll tell me it's done when it is, but, i just wish i could write more efficiently. it sounds so good to me, i usually end up listening to it half of the time i'm working on it. yarrrr! think i'll paint this weekend. prolly tomorrow night. i have no friends. :)

Current Mood: exhausted
Friday, October 15th, 2004
11:39 am
good friday, my thursday
i think i'm losing it. it seems that all the things that most people do with ease, takes me at least a full day to think about and motivate myself to do. i know i might be a bit lazy, but i don't think it's a laziness issue. ontop of that is the fact that i don't really understand why people do the things they do. i just want to be happy and not have to worry about anything. seems that most people i know just want something to worry about, and that makes them happy. i don't know. i'm going through some weird stuff with that girl i used to be with. i want to sever all ties, but i know that if i do it, i'll be kicking myself later for being such an impatient bastard.

other than all of this, today's been pretty good so far. i ate a vegan breakfast burrito and am listening to some good music. i've been at work for 2 hours and haven't done a thing. i'm tired. we watched supersize me and drank whiskey shots until 2AM. bleh. i kind of tripped out, cos carrie disappeared for like 15 minutes. i threw on my shoes, ready to leave, and then i was all, calm down jason. jealousy is so dumb and all consuming. i guess she was just taking a shit. what's wrong with me?

Current Mood: shame
Wednesday, October 13th, 2004
9:22 pm
i love this band
they have been working for me now like al green was working for me a few weeks ago...

Smog - Cold Blooded Old Times

Cold-blooded old times
Cold-blooded old times
Cold-blooded old times

The type of memories
that turn your bones to glass
turn your bones to glass

mother came rushing in
she said we didn't see a thing
we said we didnt see a thing

and father left at eight
neraly splintering the gate
cold-blooded old times

Cold-blooded old times
Cold-blooded old times
Cold-blooded old times

the type of memories
that turn your bones
turn your bones to glass

and though you were
just a little squirrel
you understood every word

and in this way
they gave you clarity
a cold-blooded clarity

Cold-blooded old times
Cold-blooded old times
Cold-blooded old times

though how can I stand
and laugh with the man
who redefined your body?

how can i stand
and laugh with the man
who redefined your body?

those cold-blooded old times
cold-blooded old times
cold-blooded old times

Current Mood: hurting
1:28 am
damn it, i just typed a bunch. and then i clicked something, and it all went away. anyways, nada mooch going on over here. i went out to dinner with me moms. she's all proud of me. i used to be all screwed up, trying to just get rid of everything. i'm all being paid for doing art, doing art for myself and doing music to cheer me up. she's so happy. i never intentionally worried her, nor even made a single effort to impress her. i guess that's a good thing. she's a rocking lady who's been through a bunch and still kept her innocence. i feel so much more clued in than her sometimes, but i still feel she knows more than me. just in denial. but now i know real hurt, i can understand her avoidance. :D anyways, she bought me all sorts of soup and veggies and celery & pnut butter. mmm, thanks ma!

i just came back home and tried to write music. to no avail. i have this track that needs editing, but i couldn't get my head in that space. i need me some reefer. i have the worst concentrating skills. :D i sent off those tracks to dr. swede, and i think only 4/5 of them got over there. oh well, the last track was some gay bass track. well, it isn't that gay, but i don't think the comittee will be too down with it. well, maybe they will be? heh.

right now i'm chilling. it's way too late, as usual. 2AM, and here i am, listening to all green. wondering what could have been, and what will be. i really hope all the decisions i've made have been sound. directly and indirectly. sometimes i wish i could have done things so much more perfectly. yet i know that no matter what i have done, everything has happened no matter what i've done. it's all about perspective i guess. wish i'd always lived in a bathysphere....

Current Mood: well, sort of....
Sunday, October 10th, 2004
11:23 am
good morning / bad morning
just been sitting around this morning, nursing a beer and listening to some music. trying to figure out what to do today. oh wait, tg just called. so i get to go to his place and hang out. it's nice having a good friend that lives downstairs. :) no more sad aphex twin piano music. i'll update this a bit more later.

my suggestions for y'all. musically

aphex twin

1. nanou 2
2. avril 14th
3. petiatil cx htdui

they all off of druqks, piano songs done on a treated piano

-json

Current Mood: melancholy
Sunday, September 26th, 2004
6:52 am
good ol' something or other
here i go again on my own. just chilling this fine sunday morning. gonna go up to L.A. today for a shoot at this bar. i guess they need extras to mill around in this bar while people have sex in the background. my ex g/f Emily works for a porn company too, so she said i should come. free drinks for 3 hours, so i think i'm game. i have been trying to not drink lately, a far cry from my social drinking i was trying to do according to my last entry. carrie went and moved out finally. i am a sad, sad boy as of today. she moved out three weeks ago, and i think i've been sober for 2 nights since then. those 2 nights were about 2 nights ago, and i think that the shoot today will be my last drinks for a while. my downstairs neighbor had his birthday party last night. carrie came over, and it was all good for a while. i don't think i did anything stupid. :) there's this one guy down the hall that carrie is always talking to. i am so jealous. on her birthday, i kind of freaked out. cos she was all talking to him and flirting and stuff. we got in this huge fight, and she ended up sleeping over at that guy's house. they didn't do anything, but it was enough to totally fuck with me. last night he came over, and i tried my hardest to not trip. i think i did alright. i woke up at 6 AM today, totally tripping that she was over there again. i walked down and got smokes, and when i walked by his place. there was a note from carrie saying how good it was to see him and how she hopes she sees him again soon. ugh, what a punch in the gut. it's not really my place to say or do anything now, so i'm just gonna let it be. you can't force someone to love you. and i'm sure it's pretty innocent, whatever their relationship is. life has been so so lately. just been working, writing music and chilling. my old friend eric started staying at my house for a bit. him and his g/f are waiting for this cottage up the canyon to open up. it should be good to go at the end of this month. which is cool, cos he drinks too much and acts like a jackass. so be it. i ordered this really good chocolate and got some roses for carrie yesterday. cheeseball? or thoughtful? either way, she forgot to take them last night. we were all pretty swizzed, so it's no big deal. think i'll cruise by her pad this morning and drop them off on the doorstep. aw yayuh. i feel so weird and un-grounded lately. i was thinking about how much i like having a girlfriend, and how it gives me an excuse to be good. what a baby i am. i haven't really done anything bad lately. emily came over a few weeks ago, and i ended up smoking a bunch of speed. it was the worst experience i've had in a long time. i was high for like 2 days, and came down for another 2. what a fucking nightmare. it was a decent experience though. figured out that i'm never gonna do hard drugs again, finally. i have had a good amount of freelance work rolling in, which rocks. my neighbor hooks it up since he owns a IR/PR company, and loves the work i do. extra income is the shit. money hasn't been tight since carrie is gone, but i definitely have to watch what i'm buying now. my boss told us yesterday that he has no plans on giving us a review anytime soon. it's alright though, i'll just try and get work from todd. i made a logo for him a few days ago, and both him and his partner were fucking blown away. ha, it was alright, but i agreed with them. i've kind of figured out that you gotta pretty much humor your clients. you might not think the work you did was that astounding, but if they do, go with it. :) am i total fucking crazy person? i have been trying to find my place in life the past month, and i don't know if i really have one. everyone i hang out with and meet is do different from me. i feel like i'm an imposter just trying to blend in enough to fool everybody long enough to live life and die. maybe i'm just being melodramatic? who knows. my goals right now are as follows:

write as much music as possible
leave carrie enough space to either realize she needs me, or to realize she doesn't need anybody
go to college
get my bank account shit squared away
lose some weight
be happy
jealousy be gone
spread out my love

i think that's it

<3
Jason

Current Mood: melancholy
Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
12:51 pm
i was totally drunk last time
i don't really want to shoot coke every once in a while. i think i'm over all that stuff, for the most part. i have been trying to be a social drinker, with sort of good results. but i dunno, i just want to write music and be all content. carrie is damn cool too.

nada mooch going on today. just at work, waiting for my veggie patty sammich from subway. this guy who works here with me, luke, is totally cool. we have been hanging out a bunch and all that. all we gotta do now is find carrie a good girlfriend. she is so bored.

Current Mood: mellow
Monday, June 7th, 2004
1:48 am
hey babies
aw man, it's been extraordinarily long since i've written, my friends. i miss everyone of you all. here's the skinny on my sitch.

been working at the porn studio for the past 6 months. my boss is a crazy crazy man. but i like to think i'm pretty resilient, so i've been ahight. had to tell him to fuck off a few time, but whatev. agh, not like i'm just trying to be cool or whatever. i just can't stand stupid busy work. i need max stimulation. genitals and otherwise. on that note, carrie has been cool/ but i fear i am too wild, adn she really is not. i need a girl that wants to shoot coke with me every other month or so, and enjoy it. you know? sara, you wanna come and marry me? ha ha, i kid. but i've been trying to be good and make her happy. cos, life is all about love, and any other way is just kinda depressing, it's true. but i find myself obsessiong on weird saddening parts of movies, books and plays. ever see romeo and juliette. i hav ebeen writing music, most of you have already heard all o my tracks, but this is the best. me and this guy from england are collabing on this track. i am working on the drums as we speak. drum drum drum. email tomorow peeps. i miss you all. too drunk to write anything else. i hate falling off the wagon. 2 lapus, 8 beers later. <3<3<3<3<3<1

Current Mood: drunk
Friday, October 17th, 2003
2:15 am
I love The Beach Boys
Hey hey, long time no write. That's about par for course though. I have been so busy lately. I am working 3 jobs right now, trying to get my medical treatment over before I drop the main one. Been working for Southern Cali, for the guys in Northern Cali. It's been alright. they stilll ask me to do 3 months of work in a week, all the fucking time. But next month I'm getting hired full time at the second one of my jobs. My downstairs neighbor hooked me up with freelance web stuff. I've made a couple thousand dollars from them in the past month, and they're super cool people. So i'm just waiting for the chance to be like, hoy. I just got off of work from my night job working at this music practice studio. They bumped me up to Jr. Engineer now too. So i've been able to run the big mixer board for a few of the bands. Word! I've been writing a grip of music lately, and I think it's getting better. I was talking to my ex tonite, and her friend is starting a record label. So i'm gonna try and get a 7" record hooked up. hahahahha, that would be bitchen. I'm taking care of emily's cat now, since her dad died and she had to move out of the house. emanon's all good, so it's been a joy.
Oh yeah, I love the Beach Boys now. Oh caroliyeeen no! email me when you're online peeps. nickblinko13@hotmail. I'm always here, just never on yahoo or msn. Miss you all!

Current Mood: xanaxed out, dr. prescribed ok
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